As I write about my personal journey, I feel as though I should share some thoughts that have gone through my head over the past six months. There are a lot of negative associations that a lot of "People" (I use the general term "society" here) have about the obese, or those that seek out weight loss surgery (or WLS for short). A lot of narrow minded idiots, the uninformed, or just people who might care but don't understand what it's about, judge without really knowing the whole story about why someone might seek out this extreme procedure, or tool, to help them take back control of their lives.
It's true that some people do seek out WLS without really being ready for it. They get this huge, life changing surgery without really knowing what it's going to take to make the life changes necessary to maintain long term weight loss. Whatever their story, it just doesn't work for them. But that's not the case for me. Here is what I've come up with over the past six months. For me, it's gospel truth.
Before I go further with my story, I want to get that out of the way right now. For those people who think WLS is the easy way out, you are kidding yourself. If you think it is easy to eat your way fat, and then just diet your way skinny, or just exercise it all off, you are nuts. Are you an alcoholic? Have you ever smoked? Have you ever craved something? Sex? Maybe a particular food you just had to have? A thing? Movie, game, piece of sports equipment or clothing? Well, imagine that instead of those things, even drugs, that you crave food. Food has chemicals (especially food of today-- processed foods with chemicals) that act in your brain to cause feelings of addiction. You crave something, you must have it. So you get it, then when you get it, you can't just have one. You must have it ALL. Or you DO have one, then you can't stop thinking about it. Sounds like a crush on a cute guy, right? But for a food addict you might be talking about a stupid bag of chips! How lame does that sound? But it's very real... and the shame we feel is very real. For an addict, it's very real. I know how cruel I was to tell my fiancee to just "STOP DOING THAT!" when he was trying to stop smoking. To just "be strong and do it!" How stupid I was. For an addict, sometimes you just can't stop. You need help. So, when I realized I was addicted to food, I found help. I found a therapist. And she helped me. I had medication. And guess what... for the first time in my life, I found peace. I was able to get through those days without food ruling my life, literally I could go through those candy aisles and gas station stops without buying things that would set me back pounds and hours and calories. That is a big accomplishment for a food addict. Just like an alcoholic at a TGI Friday's during Happy Hour with the guys from work. You do it one day at a time... lol.
Food addiction is real. It's as real as alcoholism, drug addiction, nicotine addiction. There are physical and mental components. Whether you think it's real or not, I know it was true for me. I fight it every day, and thanks to counseling and medication, I have a much better handle on it than I did. I would NEVER have been successful with this surgery without those two things.
Next.... the journey to surgery day.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
One Week Out: Life Sans Stomach
Well, does the world really need another bypass blog... I'm not sure, but I think I need one, so here we are... lol. These things might be more (or less) interesting for people thinking about undergoing different bypass surgeries if they detail the whole process from the beginning, but sometimes that just isn't possible.
My "Life Sans Stomach" (Or at least a large part of it) began one week ago, June 7, 2011. It was the first step, at the end (beginning?) of a long journey. I am having a bit of the "what did I do!" that many bypass patients have the first weeks post-op, thankfully it's not as bad as it is for a lot of people, so I feel as though I can reflect upon it with a pretty clear head at this point.
Here's my story in a nutshell. It's not going to sound all that novel. If you are reading this, you either know me personally, or probably have something in common with my story, so you won't be hearing anything you probably haven't heard at least in part before. I grew up in a small town, the biggest of a lot of small girls, I was healthy but never really realized it until I left town, still the biggest of a lot of small girls, and as I grew up, I grew confident, but never really comfortable in my own skin. I liked myself, others seemed to like me, but I was not "that girl" nor was I active or health conscious enough to know how to lose weight successfully, I loved eating and food and events where they all came together, so being a little overweight was not really the bane of my existence.
Graduating from college, fast forward about five years, I started teaching in stressful inner city schools, food became solace and survival, means to an end, and exhaustion at the end of my "just getting through" meant that my weight rose while my energy plummeted. I just did not know what to do. I was about fifty pounds heavier at that point than I had been when I'd graduated college. The weight had slowly slipped on, ten pounds at a time, until I almost didn't recognize myself. Then, I met my first husband, and everything exploded. Literally. We were fat and happy, as I fell into the role I thought I should be. All hell broke loose and I gained almost 100 lbs. over the next three years feeding him and myself comfort foods, our relationship fell apart and as I fell into a deep depression I found myself in a place where I no longer recognized myself. We divorced and I was left with nothing, just a sob story and almost 150 extra pounds of dead weight.
Over the next few years, a lot of healing took place, I had to trust in myself again and find some happiness. I gained my confidence back and various people helped me discover aspects of myself that had been lost through my tumultuous breakup with my ex husband. One of those things was discovering that I really enjoyed bike riding. I purchased a bicycle and began riding that summer every day. Without even dieting, I had lost 25 lbs. by August. There were some "false starts" dating wise and I made some bad choices, but I was slowly identifying what my problems were. Eating habits were still a mess, but I was active for the first time in MANY years. The next year I met the man who would become my fiancee and we had a serious talk about our various health issues. He talked honestly about his concerns about my weight (he is a Virgo, it was a little tough love) and I countered with his smoking. But I took it as a challenge, and the next day I went and joined a gym. I used my extra money to hire a personal trainer and God gave me the best man in the whole world, Eric. I worked with him for over a year and a half, and he helped me find my strength. I believe if my eating habits were more in control during that time, I would have had MUCH better weight loss success, but he showed me what I was capable was. Even so, I was able to lose about 40 lbs. with him and show myself what I could do physically even at that high weight.
My now-fiancee and I eventually decided after dating long-distance for two years that I would move to live with him. His Navy post moved him to rural Virginia, and I made the difficult decision to join him, and leave my life and job in Missouri. It was a very difficult year and transition was hard. The one bright spot was that we were able to be together full time for the first time. I found a great job that had great insurance benefits, where finally I realized that the option for bariatric surgery had become available.
Next: Before the nitty gritty: biases about weight loss surgery
My "Life Sans Stomach" (Or at least a large part of it) began one week ago, June 7, 2011. It was the first step, at the end (beginning?) of a long journey. I am having a bit of the "what did I do!" that many bypass patients have the first weeks post-op, thankfully it's not as bad as it is for a lot of people, so I feel as though I can reflect upon it with a pretty clear head at this point.
Here's my story in a nutshell. It's not going to sound all that novel. If you are reading this, you either know me personally, or probably have something in common with my story, so you won't be hearing anything you probably haven't heard at least in part before. I grew up in a small town, the biggest of a lot of small girls, I was healthy but never really realized it until I left town, still the biggest of a lot of small girls, and as I grew up, I grew confident, but never really comfortable in my own skin. I liked myself, others seemed to like me, but I was not "that girl" nor was I active or health conscious enough to know how to lose weight successfully, I loved eating and food and events where they all came together, so being a little overweight was not really the bane of my existence.
Graduating from college, fast forward about five years, I started teaching in stressful inner city schools, food became solace and survival, means to an end, and exhaustion at the end of my "just getting through" meant that my weight rose while my energy plummeted. I just did not know what to do. I was about fifty pounds heavier at that point than I had been when I'd graduated college. The weight had slowly slipped on, ten pounds at a time, until I almost didn't recognize myself. Then, I met my first husband, and everything exploded. Literally. We were fat and happy, as I fell into the role I thought I should be. All hell broke loose and I gained almost 100 lbs. over the next three years feeding him and myself comfort foods, our relationship fell apart and as I fell into a deep depression I found myself in a place where I no longer recognized myself. We divorced and I was left with nothing, just a sob story and almost 150 extra pounds of dead weight.
Over the next few years, a lot of healing took place, I had to trust in myself again and find some happiness. I gained my confidence back and various people helped me discover aspects of myself that had been lost through my tumultuous breakup with my ex husband. One of those things was discovering that I really enjoyed bike riding. I purchased a bicycle and began riding that summer every day. Without even dieting, I had lost 25 lbs. by August. There were some "false starts" dating wise and I made some bad choices, but I was slowly identifying what my problems were. Eating habits were still a mess, but I was active for the first time in MANY years. The next year I met the man who would become my fiancee and we had a serious talk about our various health issues. He talked honestly about his concerns about my weight (he is a Virgo, it was a little tough love) and I countered with his smoking. But I took it as a challenge, and the next day I went and joined a gym. I used my extra money to hire a personal trainer and God gave me the best man in the whole world, Eric. I worked with him for over a year and a half, and he helped me find my strength. I believe if my eating habits were more in control during that time, I would have had MUCH better weight loss success, but he showed me what I was capable was. Even so, I was able to lose about 40 lbs. with him and show myself what I could do physically even at that high weight.
My now-fiancee and I eventually decided after dating long-distance for two years that I would move to live with him. His Navy post moved him to rural Virginia, and I made the difficult decision to join him, and leave my life and job in Missouri. It was a very difficult year and transition was hard. The one bright spot was that we were able to be together full time for the first time. I found a great job that had great insurance benefits, where finally I realized that the option for bariatric surgery had become available.
Next: Before the nitty gritty: biases about weight loss surgery
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